'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period immediately preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as "Mus musculus". Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of "Saint Nicholas".

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the herbaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose to locate the propagation thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing the fenestration, noting thereupon, that the lunar brilliance without, reflecting upon the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself&emdash;thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus 'Rudolphus', piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelling breath musically through contracted lavia, and each of the octet by his respective cognomen: "Now Dasher, now Dancer…,et al.", guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenation of each of the thirty-two cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location outside the casement, and was performing a 180 degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved, with uttermost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the smoke passage above the caloric wood burning apparatus, aforementioned. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentions gave every evidence of engaging amiability.

The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the "Prunus vaium", or sweet cherry. His amusing sub&emdash;and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in a manner of confectionated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, jocund, multigenerian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from being so. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various and sundry of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.

Upon completion of the task, he executed an abrupt about face, place single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the aforementioned smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among seed-bearing portions of the common weed&emdash;'cirsium lanceolatum.' But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limit of visibility..."ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifying pleasure period between sunset and dawn."

Saturday, January 15, 2000